The actress hired to play her is too old. She was barely 16 that weekend at Camp Broken Rock, and the actress, though young (Jesus, so young), is 25. She is 25 years old and beautiful, of course, with long limbs and gigantic eyes. The actress reminds her of a deer. A deer's eyes flashing in headlights from the side of the road. A deer's broken body by the side of the road.

As a child, she loved Greek mythology. Prized her copy of D'Aulaires' over all other books. She favored stories of Artemis, the brave and wild huntress. Her favorite: a hunter stumbles upon Artemis bathing in a stream. She turns him into a deer, sets his own hounds upon him.


*


She had declined the offers from Ryan Murphy's people, declined the call she was pretty sure was from Ryan Murphy himself. The consulting credit. The associate producer credit. The money, enough to pay off both their student loans, the car loan. Enough for a vacation, the first since their frozen honeymoon in Rhode Island five years ago.

Her husband said he understood. No amount of money was worth, he stopped and waved his hand at her torso, as if everything she'd been through was locked there between her heart and her groin. He said he understood. He also said he was too tired after another night of drama club rehearsals to do anything more than eat a sandwich and go to bed. He said, Do we have to watch it tonight? He said, I can try to stay up if you want.

But he falls asleep before the theme music starts, and she is alone with herself. Her face reflected in the television screen, in the beautiful young actress pretending to be her.


*


When she was there in the woods, her friends already dead in the cabin the car the boat house the stream, she thought of Artemis. She thought of the story of Artemis and the deer as she ran, but she couldn't remember the whole story. Couldn't remember who was the deer or why. Still, she had pushed aside branches and tripped over roots and prayed, oh Artemis, make me a deer.

.